Mid May 2015 – Reflective

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A colleague asked me yesterday “What’s your passion” while we chatted randomly over lunch.

My swift reply after a split nano-second –  “I have been asking myself the same question for the past 10 years.”

And so from yesterday until now, I have been rather melancholy and thoughtful about my past 10 years. I wonder what would become of me if I were a decisive young lady who knew exactly what I wanted 10 years ago, instead of the people-pleasing, attention-seeking wanderer who just went with the flow.

My early twenties was a messy phase where I drowned myself in cigarettes and alcohol, while my late twenties was a stressful period with a young kid and overwhelming financial commitments, with many ups and downs. Early thirties seemed to be better even with a 2nd child, then I was hit with a back injury last year, which set me back BY A LOT physically, not mentioning the 2 cm I lost in height.

Life is a surprise, always. As Forrest Gump puts it very very appropriately.

I feel old after the back injury. I totally feel like I am 35 (previously I still thought I was in top form) and I am now ultra-sensitive to every little ache in my body and joints. I now eat supplements on a regular basis to keep my bones/ joints/ metabolism/ weight/ sugar levels at a healthy level. I do yoga at least 3-4 times a week to keep my body flexible. Crazy huh. Paranoid huh.

Well, i guess i am doing it all because I have young children and aging parents to look after. I need to feel healthier and stronger desperately so as to feel more assured that they are in good hands (i.e. my hands). It’s really stressful how life can take sudden turns and twists, and now I am doing whatever I can to minimize that. In fact, I am still awfully sore and bitter over that fateful fall. It should not have happened at all if I had never taken up the new job and never agreed to go for that wedding dinner. But alas, who can turn back time?

Heavy sigh.

I guess that’s why I need to keep on reminding myself to place my faith and trust in God who knows what life has in store for me, and everyone else I care for. Easy to say, but hard to remember and apply in practice!

So, back to the question, what’s my passion? I think it’s quite clear that I enjoy writing – letting my mind wander and writing whatever that comes to mind. Typing endlessly on the lovely keyboard on rainy afternoons such as this. Getting paid for it will be like a dream come true. But hahaha, no one is gonna pay for random rantings and musings from a boring human like me lor.

Ending this post with a super cute quote – stay happy my friends:

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