Living with the end in mind

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I have been thinking.. I have a plan to eventually go full time writing / blogging in the near future. I am not fully certain if I have a talent in writing.. I don’t know if it’s possible, there are a 101 I don’t knows. I just hope to give it a shot, try some freelance writing in the meantime; see how it goes.

Then I just read about how these 2 anti-gahmen (is that the correct term haha) bloggers have carried their passion overboard. I believe in those bloggers hearts, they are willing to sacrifice everything in the name of their passion. They don’t think they are wrong, they are just going all out. They probably think it’s okay to earn a bit lesser/ spend lesser time with loved ones in order to spend more time in their passion. I think they will be even willing to offend their loved ones in the event when their loved ones oppose of what they are doing.

I may have a desire, just like them. They want to push their ideas forward, like how I want to write fulltime.

But I do not want to sacrifice my loved ones in the name of my passion. I do not want to sacrifice my already limited time to pursue my passion. I want to be fully present with my girls’ growing up process especially. I want to spend more time growing spiritually. I hope to spend more time with hubby doing things we like eg watching drama or playing mahjong with friends. With 2 young kids and my full time job already taking up most of my time, I think i will be really pushing it if I add something else on the plate. It will seriously overflow and topple everything off balance.

Maybe I am tired of trying too hard. Maybe I don’t want this bad enough. Maybe I need a break… at this point, the most appealing thing to do is to just go shopping and buy all the things I like with all the imaginary money I have $_$

Ok i am getting out of point.

I guess in the end, the question I need to ask myself is – how should I live with the end in mind? What will truly truly last even when I am no longer here?

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