It’s amazing how this post resonates with how i’ve been thinking all these years. Here are the few points in the post that I find myself nodding my head vigorously as I read:
1. Turns out kids need to eat, drink, move, sleep and poop. Every damn day of the year. And for the most part, it really DOES make a difference when and where these events occur.
I never like bringing the baby out for gatherings that span across more than 2 hours. Yes, even church service. What is the point of going service with the baby when you end up in the cry room with the baby so that the baby doesn’t disrupt the service? I might as well just stay in the comfort and familiarity of my home and take care of her with all the toys and snacks within easy reach. Church friends often encourage me to bring the baby to church so that she can get used to it.
Sure. WHEN I THINK SHE IS READY. AND WHEN I THINK I AM READY. The fact that others can tahan a crying baby doesn’t mean i can or that i want to. The fact that your baby can behave well through out the service doesn’t mean my baby can. I have very low tolerance for crying babies, especially mine for the simple reason that my baby has a shallow tummy and will vomit out all her food if she cries too hard. I probably inherited some of the traditional babysitting traits from my babysitter mum too – she never lets a baby cry for too long coz the ‘wind’ gets into the tummy and cause bloating etc.
Well for the most part, I’m the one who’s not ready. I dislike unpleasant babysitting situations where I end up helpless and not knowing what to do. Period.
Having said all of that, I will want to start bringing her out to get used to strangers soon so she won’t have much to cry about when she starts school.
2. And if we work outside the home, we feel like our time with them is very limited. Going out to dinner could mean not seeing your kid all day, going away for the weekend could mean not seeing your child for 80% of the week (that we are not working and they are awake).
This is something which I struggle with A LOT. I miss meeting up with friends for dinner and drinks. BUT whenever i set up a date with my girl friends, it’s always at the expense of not seeing my kids for the next 24 hours or more coz by the time i reach home, they will be asleep and the next morning they will be still sleeping when I leave for work. It’s also at the expense of making my mum work more coz I’m not home to help her. It’s also at the expense of not coaching my elder girl with her daily homework coz my hubby will be busy with the baby!
It’s a big tug of war!! I am not going to say things like “Sigh I shouldnt have 2 kids” or “Why did I get myself into this” coz the fact is that I HAVE 2 KIDS and I gotta be adult about it, sadly..
3. Even so, we often decline invitations to your fun events, not because it doesn’t sound like a blast in general, but because we know, for us, it just won’t be fun. This is not because YOU aren’t fun. You are a riot. (Do you hear us? We really do think this, even if we neglect to express this enough). We just can’t focus on you very well when we have to simultaneously keep an eye on our kids making sure they don’t choke, drown in randomly placed vat of water or get a head injury bumping into the pointy corner of a table.
Strangely, i know of a few families who can focus very well during gatherings while their young children just go free somewhere else. I’m sorry, I just can’t.
4. Which means we have to leave events even earlier, or we miss attending them altogether. It’s easy to look at our kids and say, “Oh, they don’t even look tired!” and you’d be right. And that’s why we’re leaving NOW, before they have a total meltdown and lose their shit. We can preemptively sense these things like some animals can sense earthquakes before they register on any seismograph.
Another reason why i rather not go at all! I hate dealing with people who say “See, they are having so much fun, just stay on until the end”.
Haha, I love this post. I guess parenting is different for every parent. I have learnt enough not to judge parents who appear quite bo-chup about their kids or judge parents who are even more protective than me! There’s no wrong, no right – they are just different ways! So don’t impose on me your views, coz I am not imposing mine on you 🙂