I bet everyone’s blogging about their 2014 resolutions and writing about this year’s accomplishments as well as regrets?
Ha, I’m gonna do the same too – humans are reflective creatures after all 🙂 and I’m not at all worried about being branded as un-original lol.
And I’m gonna write it in more than one part! Haha.
So – (lets out a huge sigh, actually I think it’s gonna be quite a sombre post) – here goes.
If I can give a one-word summary to the year of 2013 – it will have to be this.
Closure of many things.
1) Closure of my human production factory. Yes 2 is enough – I am VERY EXTREMELY SURE. Two girls are enough to give hubby and myself a very busy life to infinity and beyond. We don’t want to get over-busy to the point where we have to neglect either child. In fact we had neglected Al’s schoolwork earlier this year when the whole household (including Al herself) was busy taking care of Am!
Having said that, we know of couples are able to bring up their few children very well (3-4 children I mean) and not neglect any of them. Hubby and I know our limitations and expectations – so 2 is good.
2) Closure of my self-learning journey – for now. Ever since completing my degree in 2011, I had never wanted to learn anything anymore in this lifetime until late this year when hubby asked me to go learn how to drive.
I seriously regretted obeying him – even though I had gotten my driving licence after a short 2.5 month intensive (i.e. tiring) crash course (from Oct to Dec 2013) and passed on 1st attempt at the practical test just 2 days ago, I’m actually more affected by the amount of white hair I’ve gotten during this period (I’m not joking).
Sweep right side hair – see white hair.
Sweep the other side – see white hair again. Sweep lower side, higher side – also can see! They are freaking everywhere! I’m sad.
Anyway, I’m really not very thrilled at this accomplishment, yet. Maybe I’ll feel different when I have driven often enough to feel like driving is second nature & I get a high-paying job where I need to drive? I’ve started driving yesterday and today out on the road (from home to Expo yesterday, and from home to church today) and I think I need a lot more practice (argh) to get used to the speed.
Weekends are supposed to be for nuar-ing you know? *rolls eyes*
I MAY wanna get a property agent licence now that I can drive, but the fact that I gotta study, memorize and sit for exams totally puts me off. So, I’ll wait and see how it goes.
3) Closure of my seemingly endless struggle with 2 people.
Actually I made this decision today, in service, during altar call, when Pastor Jeff called for a show of hands of people who want to commit their downcast spirit to Jesus and start on a brand new slate in 2014 (something to this effect).
It has been more than 2 years. 2 years of loath and despise towards these 2 people. Yes I do look down on them, as a matter of fact. They have been such a thorn in my spiritual walk, such a test, such a trial. A 2-year long trial.
I am affected by them because they have accused me wrongfully. It was a big hit to me. I was unable to forgive and forget. Even now, if I see them on the street, I’ll probably avoid them.
But I cannot deny the fact that this struggle has taught me many lessons, many of which God had to repeat and repeat until it got into my thick fat skull.
And the latest lesson I learnt today in service is, we put our hope in God and not anything else. Friends and riches will fail us, but we know God won’t.
To God’s name we give all the glory. To God’s name we give all the praise (We sang this Hillsong Thank You in service today). The message on our focus on God today was so strong. God is our ultimate hope.
I want to let go Liao. I want to be able to say hi to them and give a genuine smile if we meet someday. I have to tell myself, being able to befriend them again means I have managed to choose to love God more than myself. It means I have better things to do than to stay angry.
Perhaps these 2 years are time given to me to heal and let the hurt fade. And maybe I’m now ready to move on. Maybe is the word, I really dunno if I’m really ready, but I am making the decision to move on regardless!
Next up – resolutions – I have a couple days more to think! 🙂